Week 11, March 26, 2016, Ttransition in Marriage: Power Relations and Children

Unity

 

I love how President Eyring started off his talk in an article I read. He shared a scripture in D&C 38:27,  “Be one; and if ye are not one ye are not mine.” He then says, "And at the creation of man and woman, unity for them in marriage was not given as hope, it was a command! .... Our Heavenly Father wants our hearts to be knit together. That union in love is not simply an ideal. It is a necessity." How interesting! Unity is a command. I can see why though, because a team that is not united will never win. As husband and wife we have to be united so that we can teach our children and be successful. My parents were such great examples of this. I don't know what discussions went on when the kids weren't around, but as far as we could see, our parents were one. They only spoke kindly to each other, and never spoke bad about the other when they weren't around. One huge way that I have found this help me in my married life now, is in my husband's church service. My dad was in the stake presidency when I was growing up, and was gone a lot. My mom never ever complained. She always supported him 100%. Now as my husband serves, it is natural for me. I don't get annoyed or speak ill of him or his calling or complain that he isn't around enough. She taught me the importance of unity in serving the Lord.

 

Here are a few things from the reading that I found helpful when it comes to unity.

 

1. How you speak- "There are some commandments which, when broken, destroy unity. Some have to do with what we say and some with how we react to what others say. We must speak no ill of anyone. We must see the good in each other and speak well of each other whenever we can" (see David O. McKay, in Conference Report, Oct. 1967, 4–11).

 

2. Have the spirit with us.

3. Keep our baptismal covenants and renew them weekly with the sacrament.

"The sacramental prayer can remind us every week of how the gift of unity will come through obedience to the laws and ordinances of the gospel of Jesus Christ. When we keep our covenants to take His name upon us, to remember Him always, and to keep all His commandments, we will receive the companionship of His Spirit. That will soften our hearts and unite us."

 

4. We must forgive and bear no malice toward those who offend us.

 I love the quote, "Offense is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die."

 

 

5. Parents… should love and respect each other, and treat each other with respectful decorum and kindly regard, all the time. The husband should treat his wife with the utmost courtesy and respect. The husband should never insult her; he should never speak slightly of her, but should always hold her in the highest esteem in the home, in the presence of their children… The wife, also, should treat the husband with the greatest respect and courtesy. Her words to him should not be keen and cutting and sarcastic. She should not pass slurs or insinuations at him… Then it will be easy for the parents to instill into the hearts of their children not only love for their fathers and their mothers, not only respect and courtesy towards their parents, but love and courtesy and deference between the children at home (Joseph F.Smith, Gospel Doctrine, pp. 283–284).

 

One last thing I wanted to share was a quote I really liked and applies to my life now.

“Discipline is probably one of the most important elements in which a mother and father can lead and guide and direct their children…. Setting limits to what a child can do means to that child that you love him and respect him.  If you permit the child to do all the things he would like to do without any limits that means to him that you do not care much about him”.

 

This to me was very significant. Parents have to be united in their discipline with children. It is amazing to me how spoiled and entitled children are these days. My kids can be sometimes too! I have to remind myself that giving them everything they want so that they are "happy" is not going to help them or make them happy adults. I have seen kids go to one parent that says no, so they try the other, who will say yes. To me this shows (most often) that the child knows that their parents are not united. Some kids will even pin their parents on each other. It is so important for couples to be united for the benefit of raising emotionally healthy children.