Week 10, Transitions in Marriage: Fidelity and physical intimacy

Spencer W. Kimball gives a great definition of the purpose of sex. He said:
“Sex is for procreation and expression of love. It is the destiny of men and women to join together to make eternal family units. In the context of lawful marriage, the intimacy of sexual relations is right and divinely approved. There is nothing unholy or degrading about sexuality in itself, for by that means men and women join in a process of creation and in an expression of love.”

God has given us an amazing gift, the ability to make and grow our eternal family unit.

As Latter-day Saints, we hear a lot of perspectives of sex; the many wordly views that include casual sex, pornography, and purely physical attraction.  In the gospel, we learn of the important purpose of sex. We are encouraged to stay away from pornography and things that degrade the sacredness of procreation. Because of the constant inappropriate talk of sex, it is a topic often avoided by Latter-day Saints.

President Hugh B. Brown, who served as a counselor in the First Presidency, wrote the following about sexual intimacy in his book You and Your Marriage:

“Thousands of young people come to the marriage altar almost illiterate insofar as this basic and fundamental function is concerned. The sex instinct is not something which we need to fear or be ashamed of. It is God-given and has a high and holy purpose … We want our young people to know that sex is not an unmentionable human misfortune, and certainly it should not be regarded as a sordid but necessary part of marriage. There is no excuse for approaching this most intimate relationship in life without true knowledge of its meaning and its high purpose.” (Bookcraft, 1960, pp. 73, 76; emphasis added)
                                                                     (My two cuties)

Gottman recounts in his book The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work:
“So often when a husband and wife talk to each other about their sexual needs, their conversations are … indirect, imprecise, inconclusive. Frequently both partners are in a hurry to end the conversation, hopeful that they will miraculously understand each other's desires without much talk … The problem is that the less clear you are about what you do and don't want, the less likely you are to get it. Sex can be such a fun way to share with each other and deepen your sense of intimacy. But when communication is fraught with tension, then frustration and hurt feelings too often result” (1999, pp. 200-201).

 An important step for anyone dealing with inhibitions in this area could be:

1) To begin by writing about, reading about, or discussing with a trusted person your own thoughts and feelings and being attentive to negative perceptions or emotions that affect how you respond sexually to a companion.

2) A second approach to overcoming avoidance of dealing with sexual feelings or challenges in marriage is to think of your sexual relationship as a gospel stewardship.
“Implied are at least three elements that characterize successful stewardship:
         (1) agency, (2) diligence, and (3) accountability

3) A third approach to dealing with inhibitions regarding thoughts and feelings associated with sexual expression in marriage is to pursue a serious and careful study of the scriptures and teachings of the prophets on this topic. Your study should focus on the role of sexuality within the marriage relationship and guidelines for its expression and fulfillment.

4)  seek assistance from a wise counselor, therapist, or other trusted source who can direct you to information and guidance on this topic. 

Brotherson, S.E. (2003). "Fulfilling the Sexual Stewardship in Marriage." Meridian Magazine, www.meridianmagazine.com.