Week 9, Seeking to Understand

The Four Horsemen is a very memorable piece of information that I feel like really stuck with me. They are so important to recognize so that we can keep our marriages happy. 1- Harsh Start-up, 2- Criticism, 3-Defensiveness, 4- Stonewalling.

I feel like these will be very helpful in the future for helping couples and recognizing problems in a marriage.

One of my favorite things from the beginning of the book is this:

"Emotionally intelligent couples are intimately familiar with each others world. I call this having a richly details love map, - my term for that part of your brain where you store all the relevant information about your partner's life."  He goes on to say, "Couples who have detailed love maps of each other's world are far better prepared to cope with stressful events and conflict."  

I feel like my husband and I have a great love map. We both know very intimate details about each other, we love and look out for each other, and we love to be together. As I read this book by Joh Gottman, I felt very good about my relationship with my husband. He is my best friend, and we love to be together. We are (most of the time) pretty good communicators, and we are both very patient and loving. 

One of my favorite things from the beginning of the book is this:

In Goddard’s  book, I love these quotes from the end of the book:

Marvin J. Ashton made this statement: “Perhaps the greatest charity comes when we are kind to each other, when we don’t judge or categorize someone else, when we simply give each other the benefit of the doubt or remain quiet. Charity is accepting someone’s differences, weaknesses, and shortcomings.” (Drawing Heaven into Your Marriage.” Dr. Goddard, pg.110)

“Charity is first and foremost the redemptive love that Jesus offers all of us. It is the love from Christ. He is the model of charity which never faileth.”

In defining charity Goddard quoted Elder Caldwell, "The phrase 'love of Christ' might have meaning in three dimensions: Love for Christ, Love from Christ, and Love like Christ."

I really loved the one by Elder Caldwell. I have never heard this. If we can have true charity for our spouse, we will be like our Heavenly Father.