Week 12, Transitions in Marriage

In Laws

 

Having a relationship with your in-laws is so important. One of the only struggles my husband and I have ever had in our marriage always had to do with the holidays- who we were spending them with, how long, etc. Our parents lived in the same ward and my husband's family was all spread out so they would spend an entire holiday with one family and switch. It didn't make sense to us to do that because our parents were only a few miles apart! 

 

President Kimball gave some important points in regards to family relationships.

1- Married children should confide in and counsel with their spouses.

2- They should establish their own household.

3- Any counsel from outside sources should be considered prayerfully by both spouses together.

 

President Harper said, "Parents give their children two things: roots to grow, and wings to fly."

                                                      

 

The next part I thought was very significant, that I wouldn't have quite understood before I was married. In regards to being married, he says, "...it also requires sacrifice of time and effort, and adaptation on the parents' part to new roles. My mother in law struggled with this. She had 6 boys, and she loved to take care of them. She taught them to be independent, but at the same time she was a bit controlling. I grew up with a mom who taught me to do what's right and make good choices, but then gave me a lot of space to make those choices on my own. When we got married- my mother in law did not like having her son taken away and another woman being the number one. She made a big deal about holidays and visiting regularly, and it caused a strain on our marriage every holiday!! It wasn't until years later that we finally just said to each other, forget what our parents and everyone else wants, we can make our own traditions and do the holidays we want.

 

 

Our parents got used to having to share us with another family, and it got much easier over the years. By putting our parents aside and creating our own traditions and making decisions as husband and wife, we were so much happier! President Harper also said, "Married couples should discuss what they will do to protect, maintain, and repair the invisible boundary or fence that guards their marriage." I feel like that is what we had to do! He goes on to discuss holidays, which I thought was funny, and I'm glad we aren't the only ones that struggled with that!
 

I loved this also that president Harper said. "Adult married children can improve relationships with their in-laws by setting boundaries that help ensure their marriage is strong and happy. Having regular contact and communication with in-laws also sends messages that couples value their relationship with them."

 

In the conclusion, he gives the best advise! He says, "In summary, parents-in-law will do well to accept differences; encourage marital identity by helping develop and maintain the marital boundary of the  children; avoid intrusion; offer advice only when it is sought; be accepting rather than critical; and work toward developing a personal, positive relationship with a son or daughter in-law."

 

I couldn't think of any better advice!!