Building a Successful Marriage
Couples tell how applying gospel principles has helped them strengthen and improve their marriages.
Build on a temple marriage. My husband, John, substitute taught in high school. One day in school the subject of marriage came up, and the students said at his age he should be divorced, married to his second wife, and preparing to leave for a third. They spoke of his depriving his children of learning to live with stepsiblings and insisted that he was leaving them unprepared for their own divorces!
John replied that marriage can last even in today’s world and explained to the students that neither our parents nor grandparents had ever divorced. They had set a good example for him, he said, and we planned to set the same example for our children.
Later, we talked about what kept us together. Foremost, we married in the temple, and we try to go back to the temple regularly, at least once a year participating in sealing ordinances just to remember the covenants we made at the altar. Also, we discussed that there are no “escape clauses” in our marriage. We work through our problems together instead of running away, and we include the Lord in our decisions.
There are little things we do to remind ourselves of the promises we have made in the temple. We don’t find fault with each other: plenty of others in society do that for us. And we let little things go. A hundred years from now, who will care that the dishes weren’t done every evening? Best of all, we always look forward to coming home to each other. Our goal as a couple is to reach our heavenly home so we can always come home to each other.—Maria and John Bates, Sandy, Utah
Study the scriptures. One spring day I came home in a cheerful mood, only to be met by my tearful wife. I quickly asked her what had happened. She replied that my father had called. This alarmed me because my father had disowned me some years earlier as a result of my activity in the Church. Feelings of anger stirred in my heart that he would call and upset my wife to the point of tears.
My wife informed me that my father had tried to convince her of my inadequacies as a husband. Now I wanted to call my father to retaliate. However, I decided to wait and calm down first. For the next two days I remained angry and bitter. At the end of the second day, my wife and I knelt to pray. Since I did not feel in the right frame of mind to pray, I asked her if she would offer the prayer.
She took my arm and said, “Before we pray, I want you to read a scripture.” She turned to 3 Nephi and read: “Love your enemies, bless them that curse you, do good to them that hate you, and pray for them who despitefully use you and persecute you” (
3 Ne. 12:44).
My heart began to pound. I felt suddenly as if the Savior were speaking directly to me because his words penetrated the deepest portion of my heart. Then I began to cry and felt my angry heart soften.
When I looked at my wife, she said something I will never forget: “Do you know why I gave you that scripture? I just want you to be the best person you can be.”
I was overwhelmed. My sweet wife had opened a scriptural door that let the light of gospel principles shine through to my heart, and I was able to forgive my father. I came to appreciate my good wife even more. The gospel has given us a solid foundation in our marriage as we continue to help each other be the best we can be.—Name withheld, Las Vegas, Nevada
Seek spiritual gifts. The gospel of
Jesus Christ has been a great instrument in our marriage in many ways. I went to Heavenly Father in prayer for help to resolve problems my husband and I were facing. I was led to visit with my bishop, who through the power of the priesthood bestowed upon me the gift of communicating clearly with my husband. This blessing has been of great value in our marriage.
We also each prayed that the Lord would soften our own heart as well as our spouse’s heart and that we would each be shown the error of our ways when it is necessary. Only the Lord’s Spirit can change our hearts and open our understanding beyond that which we currently comprehend.—Name withheld, Los Lunas, New Mexico