In a talk that Dallin H. Oaks gave
called Divorce, he said, in reference to divorce, "Often the cause
is not incompatibility but selfishness." President Benson said that
selfishness is one of the more common faces of pride. I have seen pride (in
addition to many other issues) destroy a marriage. My brother in law and his
wife were recently divorced. He had anger problems which I believe stemmed from
being bi-polar. He knew he had this problem but his pride kept him from dealing
with it in a way he should have. He wouldn't accept the fact that he needed
medication to help him, and his anger continued. He would place blame on his
wife. His unwillingness to deal with the issue was because of his pride.
Ultimately, it led to divorce, and it has been so sad to watch.
I think ultimately, Elder Oaks is
right! Selfishness is what causes so many problems in marriage. We are more
concerned with ourselves than our spouse. President Eyring said," “It will
take faith and humility to put her interests above your own in the struggles of
life,” President Eyring says. “You have the responsibility to provide for and
to nurture her while serving others. That can at times consume all the energy
and strength you have. Age and illness may increase your wife’s needs. If you
choose even then to put her happiness above your own, I promise you that your
love for her will increase.” I love this! And of course this goes for
wives towards their husbands as well.
One other quote I love, outside of
this week's reading, is by Elder Nelson. He said, “Above all, do not be
selfish! Generate a spirit of selflessness and generosity. Celebrate and
commemorate each day together as a treasured gift from heaven.”
I know that when I focus of the
little irritations in my husband, that it makes me feel negative, and without
realizing it, superior. I remind myself that he puts up with my annoyances and
doesn't complain. As I have learned to not let the little things bother me, my
marriage is strengthened. The little petty things really don't matter if we can
let them go easily. Wallace Goddard, from Drawing Marriage Into Your
Marriage reminded us that the scriptures tell us to not be prideful. It is
better for us to recognize it and deal with it, then to be compelled to
humility.
didn’t like that I felt he was smarter than I
was. He decided it would be best if he didn’t play Scrabble with me! To this
day we still don’t play Scrabble.
As I think about pride, I know that
my biggest weakness is competitiveness. Until this week, I never really thought
of it as a pride issue. I was raised in such a competitive family, to the point
it was a little bit ridiculous! Monopoly was and is banned from my parents
house, and pretty much all of us kids! There is a time in my early marriage
that I was playing Scrabble with my husband, and he kept kicking my butt in it.
After a few games I was getting really irritated. I tried very hard not to be
upset, but I wanted to win! I I felt terrible afterwards though because I didn’t want to
be like that. It seemed childish to not be able to play a game because I was
being immature, and too competitive. Losing a million times is worth it to me
to have my husband by my side. After that, I really put effort into calming the
competitiveness. It’s not easy, but over time, I got better and better. It
helped in my marriage, my relationships with my siblings, and friends. Pride is
an ugly thing!
President Benson states, “Pride is a sin
that can readily be seen in others but is rarely admitted in ourselves. Most of
us consider pride to be a sin of those on the top, such as the rich and the
learned, looking down at the rest of us.”
President Benson further teaches us that the
opposite of pride is humility. As we learn to be meek and submissive as
children, we can find the humility and oneness with God and with our loved
ones. In Dr. Goddard’s book, “Drawing Heaven into Your Marriage,” he
states, “Humility opens up the experience of others and to truth from
heaven. Humility requires not only that we believe in God, that He is all-wise
and all-powerful, but also that man doth not comprehend all the things which
the Lord can comprehend. We must set aside our provincial view of the world
(and of our spouses) and be open to our partner’s perspective. We must invite
truth, the heavenly perspective… Turning to God in faith and repentance is the
cure for pride and self-centeredness,” (pp. 63-64)
One last favorite quote I wanted to
share is from the reading, by Goodard. He says, "We can choose to be
humble ourselves by conquering enmity toward our brothers and sisters,
esteeming them as ourselves, and lifting them as high or higher than we
are." He tells us the pride is burdensome, and I couldn't agree more.
Admitting our wrongs or accepting
correction from our spouse can be hard. What has helped me, is that I know my
husband has different strengths than me. He is usually right when he points out
something (kindly) that can be better. (Usually an attitude toward someone or
something like that. I have learned not to let pride keep me from listening to
him and learning. I am a better person for it!
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