Marriage - Week 1

I'm taking a class called simply "Marriage" this semester. I'm very excited to get deeper into marriage and have discussions, and to learn more about making marriage work. I am afraid that I may be a little naive in this department. I have been soooo very blessed. My parents seemed to never fight, because if they did, they didn't do it in front of us. I didn't realize how blessed I was as a kid to have that kind of harmony in my home. My mom was(and still is) about the sweetest thing on earth and we all knew that she would do anything for her hubby! And my dad took good care of my mom and we knew that he loved and cherished and protected his sweet wife.

In The Family: A Proclamation to the World, it says that a "Husband and wife have a solemn responsibility to love and care for each other and for their children." It goes on to say: "Marriage between man and woman is essential to His eternal plan. Children are entitled to birth within the bonds of matrimony, and to be reared by a father and a mother who honor marital vows with complete fidelity. Happiness in family life is most likely to be achieved when founded upon the teachings of the Lord Jesus Christ. Successful marriages and families are established and maintained on principles of faith, prayer, repentance, forgiveness, respect, love, compassion, work, and wholesome recreational activities."

To me, this is all I knew! For all the times I mumbled under my breath about my mom or dad as a kid and a teen... shame on me! Heavenly Father blessed me immensely.  I looked forward to marriage, to having what I thought was normal, which is a loving, great relationship built upon the love of our Savior.

Our first week's topic in the class was on divorce. Oh how sad that makes me. Marriages are torn apart daily, and the average of divorce is over 50% now. Funny thing is? I never once put my husband and I in that category as even a possibility. But there are families being torn apart everywhere. There is a quote from Spencer W. Kimball that amazed me. He said, "Many of the social restraints which in the past have helped to reinforce and to shore up the family are dissolving and disappearing. The time will come when only those who believe deeply and actively in the family will be able to preserve their families in the midst of the gathering evil around us." I read this to my husband and his response was, "We are living in those times." President Kimball gave this prophecy 26 years ago! We are living in a time where we have to have strong faith so that we can safeguard our marriage and our children. They are faced with evil every day.

Elder Oaks said "the kind of marriage required for exaltation- eternal in duration and godlike in quality- does not contemplate divorce." I love this because constant threat of divorce has no place in marriage. No one wants to hear that their spouse doesn't love them enough to go through hard times without the thought of divorce. Divorce has never been spoken between my husband and I. It's not an option for us!

Elder Oaks spoke of the need for the Atonement. He said, "That healing power and that hope are there for them and also for their children." I have recently seen the heart wrenching pain of divorce on a real level. My brother in law and his wife are recently divorced. MY children cried, for months, especially on Sundays. We went over to the in-laws and had dinner with their family almost every Sunday. When she left with the kids, it was hard on all of us. Our Sundays I can't even imagine how hard it has been for the kids, to be uprooted from their home, starting all over in a new state, new home, school, church, and no dad. As I watched one of the videos for class on kids talking about divorce, it broke my heart. The kids are so confused, and don't know what to expect. They feel left behind, disregarded, and sometimes just in shock. Their worlds are turned around. I know that the Atonement can help heal our hearts, and to let go of anger and bitterness. It can offer comfort to families going through a hard time.

Something I found interesting that I read is that couples who were unhappy but stayed in their marriages, ended up being very happy in their marriage five years later. Also, that those that divorced were mostly not any happier after being divorced.

A great piece of advise from Elder Dallin H Oaks on marriage, speaking about husband and wife..."they should be best friends, kind and considerate, sensitive to each others' needs, always seeking to make each other happy. They should be partners in family finances, working together to regulate their desires for temporal things." He also said, "A good marriage does not require a perfect man or a perfect woman. It only requires a man and a woman committed to strive together toward perfection." 

We can do it guys!  Find the one you love and love the one you find. Don't let go. With Christ we can do all things! The Atonement has the power to heal all things. 



Marriage 300: Week 1